by , Monday February 18, 2019

There was a knock on my heart,
I felt the cold fingers running down my spine
The message slowly sinking,
Till the depths of my shaken soul
I feel the numbness creeping under my skin
I feel the last hope dying in this silent storm.


In the space there hung a sordid air of misery
Filled with mere dying hopes and dreams..
The light in the room though very bright 
seemed to be in a race 
perhaps to be in a better place .
The dark shadows crawl all over the walls. ..
Chasing the last rays of hope….
And now all that remains is 
The hushed murmurs of pain ….
The dying sounds of a losing battle fought in vain.


I hear the slow footsteps treading on the same old floor 
The sound of her moving carefully over to the door.
I can see her face distorted in pain
Her legs carrying the damned pain with her 
Her hands trembling along the walls as she moves.
I feel her fear…..her anxious heart fluttering inside…
And her dread of being lost, and losing everything,
This pain and agony…
That rips her boldest strengths to shreds of failure.

The walls that harbored her children
The doors that opened to every opportunity time left on her threshold
The windows that showed her the pictures of a many dreams
The steps that had lead her to a new life
And her own warmth, that endured all the cold stares of the world.
All now lay on the shore while she is drifting away
Just watching it fade into oblivion.


Like all the obscure stars in the vast sky
And amid the myriad shimmering lights 
She shines likes burning star…..
Like the halo around all the lives she touched.
Her life was just an abyss of thorns and torn dreams
But here we are blossoms of her care….
Her safe harbor when she despairs.


A saint in grubby clothes
Or an angel in disguise
maybe a machine of perfection
or a realm of compassion
I know not how to value her
As all my values are just tiny parts of her.
How do I measure her…how much can I thank her?
My life isn’t long enough ….and my words mere drops.
While she encompasses the whole universe of my life
I stand and watch as she is engulfed within this strife.


No tears can heal her pain
No words can revive her life
I watch …just a spectator of a game
See her lose at each and every stage
A mere Witness to her death sentence.
Wretched and worthless…I stand beyond the fence.
As she is dragged away into hallow unknown .


If my prayers are answered I will no longer pray
If the tables are turned ill return myself to me.
If her life is spared I would be a spare to anything,
If I’m chosen instead of her ….my tears will be of relief
If I could go with her I would take everything that comes her way.
If I had the choice I’d leave no choice to fate.
If I could talk to Death…ill make him live her life.
But no one has escaped this path
Why is she different then?.......
Cows with horns talk when they don’t chew.
If life was supposed to be this way…. .why do we change?
If life was just a dream…..why do we sleep?
If life is just a state…….why do we linger?
If life is an opportunity…..why do we lose it?
If life is Death….why do we live???


But if my life is to remain a question….
My being just a façade of shadows
My being just domain in apa service
My existence just a ephemeral spark
My soul just a mere scheme in the universe
My faith a minute tinge on the vast design
My thoughts, my words, my love, my fear,
My convictions…..and me……
Not a person…but am I just a dot on this world?
Just a face looming with no glow
Just a wind with no flow
Just a bird with no song
Just another life with no reason.


But If my faith would move the heavens ….i would change it with hell
If I could burn down the earth … Hell would go green with envy.
If I could turn back time…ill never let it flow again
And if I was to be myself….i would erase everything else
If I will be what will become of me.. i’d rather let go of myself.
If life was a ridge…I wont think twice b4 I dive
If situations were a flowing river I would take it to the desert
If hopes were diamonds I would sell it for peanuts
If faith was a pillar.. I would never use it even for a shed
If prayers were the stairs… I wonder if it ever leads to a door…?

Now like the cold winter breeze..
I stand in anticipation of what life would bring
No hopes of mine remain ….no songs that I can sing
No faces I endear .. no voices I long to hear..
Yet I am stuck here ….like an old rotten tree …
Going through the season’s changes…growing young and green
Then watch my leaves turn to worthless debries.
All that remains…is just a hollowed trunk…
As my soul had died through all these years…
Not a tear did I shed..not a drop of blood did I bled.
My only me…lost and battered …troubled and torn.


Did he hear its cries…did He hear it plead?
Did he see my wounds?
Did he feel my pain?
Does he know my name…and how I looked for him till the end?
Could he feel my soul….torn and troubled…all alone?
Did he gather my shattered dreams and my lost hopes?
Did he touch my mother when she was rigid and cold?
Did he watch my mother linger in realms unknown…
Did he hear her cries…did he hear her plead?
Did he shed a tear….did he feel my fear?


There’s no memory of sunshine and smiles
There’s is no clear sky and no feather white clouds drifting by..
No one waiting by the door……
No words of care or reproach ….
No heaven to cry my ache
No earth to soak my pain
Just emptiness, like a bare room,
With traces of what had once been there.


There was a rustle in the sheets
Where she lay …her bosom gently rising and falling
Like the ripples caused by the tiniest drop..
Yet the fear in her eyes remain and i
Am still am a spectator ……worthless an wretched
I cannot fall down on my knees and cry..
As it’s weakness in her eyes.
So I’m forced to fake..
To smile like it’s the first of July.
To speak words and spare the wisdom of the wise
That never even helped a fly.
So I watch
Watch the clock ticking by….
Yet another day
And yet another night…
Just to witness that sight,
My life carries me through…I live
Another day 
And another night…………..
Just to see what life throws my way.

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