A Heart Shattered, a Heart Ignorant, and a Heart Divided

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This is a diary of sorts, it is keeping up with the current events of a Black Love Triangle happening between, my best friend, my boyfriend, and me. It is still in the works so there will be regular updates until what's happening blows over. I'm probably ranting with this, but I need to get it off my chest. I ask that you don't judge, only let me write as I wish. Please read at your leisure.

*Disclaimer: what's written here is something that is actually occurring in my life. I've filled in letters for names so as to keep all the identities of those who are involved a secret.*

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1. A Heart Shattered

The Confession. The Confessor. The Confessed. Let's call him A. He is the first piece of the Black Love Triangle. He is the one who confessed to me that he loved me, though he knew he couldn't have me from the start. 

 

When A and I first met, we were in a party together, with my boyfriend; B, our friend; AJ, and another guy, G. B and AJ left early on for personal reasons I have yet to learn of. So, then it was left with me, A, and G. I was watching G play a horror game we both played and was getting scared, while this was happening, both A and G were teasing me, saying I was scared to death. After a while of teasing, I decided I'd had enough and went to pull out some booze. As they were messing with me, I was drinking. The rest of the night is an enigma to me. The only reason I know as much as I do of that night is because later on, A told me about it when he met me next. 

 

The next time A and I met, about two days later, he was messaging me over and over again, talking about what had happened that night. I had no idea who he was, why he was messaging me, or what he was talking about, but his words and knowledge peaked my interest, so I decided to meet him to figure out what he was ranting on about. That's when I received the happenings of the night previous. Because he happened to know me, and he seemed fine enough, I chose to hang out with him more. As time drew on, however, something happened that shouldn't have, which snowballed into where I've ended up now.

 

You see, at this time, I was (and still am) adjusting to the dating life. My boyfriend and I haven't been dating long and before I was with him, I was more than a bit promiscuous. So, I hadn't yet broken the habit I had created years before, of flirting. Naturally, I just had to flirt with one of my boyfriend's friends. Of course. I asked myself again and again (and still do), "What have I done? Why am I doing this? Why aren't I stopping?" I could never answer. I still don't know why I did it. I Wish I hadn't, but at the same time, I'm glad I did. I have him in my life, but in the long run, I'm worried he might ruin my love life, with our Black Love Triangle.

 

Then, pushing on through time, we continued to play around with each other behind B's back. His still doesn't know, but we'll get to that next chapter. Anyways, we kept going, continuously for a little while. Then, finally, we started to form a bond less about desire, and more about friendship and close proximity. We still messed around, but we talked real too. In doing so, in changing our relationship to one of more than just lust, we began to learn things about one another that were much more personal. Over time, we got closer, until three little words.

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